A typically stylish document from you - always a pleasure for the eye. Our recent conversation was fruitful and I'm pleased you're more excited at the prospect of getting stuck into this now - and your premise etc. is a solid foundation by which to make a start. All I'd suggest is perhaps a further reduction of your components and a quickening of the set-up. For example, do you need an entire crew for each pirate, when ultimately, it comes down to just the two of them? If you want side-kicks, maybe think about giving your pirate bugs a parrot/monkey equivalent, so you have two rival, subordinate comedy side-kicks, whose conflict mirrors the conflict between the two pirate bugs? These side-kicks could obviously be lesser insects - so grubs, fleas, flies, mosquitos... I don't like the way the map just 'happens' to end up in the hands of the rival pirate; maybe think about a set-up where we begin at the moment that the first pirate beetle finds the map (so the action starts with its discovery, the inference being that the pirate bug has been on a long quest to find it) and then, almost at once, the other bug appears dramatically to snatch it out of the first bug's hands, and so the chase is on. This means that both bugs know where the fabled flower is, but also you've established their bitter rivalry from the very beginning. Short version is I think you could reduce your cast of characters, consider the addition of classic pirate 'side-kicks' for comedic value, and consider incepting your story with the discovery of the map.
Otherwise, I very much look forward to seeing you move this into pre-production now. Something tells me you're going to have a lot of fun! Enjoy yourself :)
OGR 22/01/2015
ReplyDeleteMorning Julien,
A typically stylish document from you - always a pleasure for the eye. Our recent conversation was fruitful and I'm pleased you're more excited at the prospect of getting stuck into this now - and your premise etc. is a solid foundation by which to make a start. All I'd suggest is perhaps a further reduction of your components and a quickening of the set-up. For example, do you need an entire crew for each pirate, when ultimately, it comes down to just the two of them? If you want side-kicks, maybe think about giving your pirate bugs a parrot/monkey equivalent, so you have two rival, subordinate comedy side-kicks, whose conflict mirrors the conflict between the two pirate bugs? These side-kicks could obviously be lesser insects - so grubs, fleas, flies, mosquitos... I don't like the way the map just 'happens' to end up in the hands of the rival pirate; maybe think about a set-up where we begin at the moment that the first pirate beetle finds the map (so the action starts with its discovery, the inference being that the pirate bug has been on a long quest to find it) and then, almost at once, the other bug appears dramatically to snatch it out of the first bug's hands, and so the chase is on. This means that both bugs know where the fabled flower is, but also you've established their bitter rivalry from the very beginning. Short version is I think you could reduce your cast of characters, consider the addition of classic pirate 'side-kicks' for comedic value, and consider incepting your story with the discovery of the map.
Otherwise, I very much look forward to seeing you move this into pre-production now. Something tells me you're going to have a lot of fun! Enjoy yourself :)